Thursday, May 26, 2011

These Are My Confessions Part One...

So, Usher had the right idea a few years back when he came out with his Confessions album.

What's wrong with just putting all the cards out on the table? I think it only fair to give adequate warning about what kind of person I really am. The deep down, nitty-gritty truth. So raw it's goddamn sushi.

Let's start with the basics. I am a slob. I want to be clever and say it's my creative artistic brain that has some sort of free-flow mechanism, but that would be total bullshit. I am just sort of lazy I guess. Come to my house (or ask my mother, she'll gladly tell you. In fact, she'd probably make you a pot of tea, because that conversation will take a while. Better make an appointment.) and you will see that my living room looks like someone filmed 300 there. Except less bodies and more empty glasses, dog fur "tumbleweeds", mail, controllers....

I will drink straight from the container on occasion. Milk, Juice, Soda...doesn't matter. I won't do it if we are going to have company, nor would I serve something I drank from TO company (or would I?). But, without any little rugrats running around, it's just Andrew and I. I think if he can handle kissing me, he can handle drinking my backwash.

I would generally rather saw off a limb, and rub habaneros on my gaping, bleeding stump rather than get up a minute earlier than I need to. This means that when I woken up unnecessarily, I tend to leap into a homicidal rage be a tad upset. I. Hate. Mornings.

I secretly want to be a writer. Ok, not-so-secretly. I may not be the best writer there is, but shit, Paris Hilton got a book deal and that bitch can barely spell her name. I can only hope that someday, somewhere, I will catch a publisher on his or her way back into the office from a happy hour debauchery binge drinking festival, on a day when my Irish Luck is doing it's thing.

There's more but I am keeping some good stuff for later. I gotta convince you to come back somehow, right?

So now it's your turn. Tell me (and the one or two other people who read this blog) something scandelous. Do you pick your nose when no one is looking? Have you ever stolen the toilet paper from your boss's personal bathroom or do you let the dishes pile up simply so you can watch Dancing With the Stars?
Spill the beans folks. And make it good! If you tell me something REALLY juicy, I will up the ante for my confessions next time!


  1. Haha! I thought I hated mornings, but wow... habaneros, really? Ouch!

  2. Drinking right from the container? Be still my heart.

  3. BAHAHA Christi, I didn't feel like hate accurately captured the magnitude of my contempt.

  4. I know I get lazy with the clothes. I despise folding clothes. Socks are my enemy most days. I also drink out of the carton for the exact same reason and I also do not do that when I know we have guests coming over. Most of the time when I do it its because there is a small amount left in the jug or carton. I also dislike scary movies for the simple fact it disturbs me that someone actually thought the concept up and someone else thought it was cool enough to put on screen. Ex the human centipede WTF was wrong with that person. Who thinks of that shit lol.

  5. i like to sleep, a lot. i have actually slept for like 20 hours before.. without a cold, just decided my bed was the only place i needed to be. sometimes i throw away mail i know i should open cos its important because im scared to see whats actually in it and hope that means it will disappear. i hate going to those oil change places that make you drive right in over that gaping hole, it scares me... i have anxiety to the point i generally go 1,000's of miles over cos i dont want to pay more for the places that dont do that and i hate having to do it! i love pickles, i can sit down and eat and entire jar.. and sometimes i drink a little of the juice :)