Saturday, May 21, 2011

Good Words...Gone Bad.

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!" ~ Ralph Wiggum


 Every once in a while, someone will open their mouth, or update their Facebook status, and there it is: the glaring grammatical deficiency, oratory oversight or caustic clich√© that grates on my nerves. Sometimes it's a word that does not exist in the English language. Occasionally it is a botched interpretation of a phrase where people are too annoyed to bother correcting the speaker.



I used to have a boss at work that used one of the following ALL the time, and it drove me absolutely crazy. She would tell us she had a genius IQ (trust me...she didn't) and then she would go around using words that were essentially made up. I don't care how smart you are, if you use anything on this list, I promise you will sound like a complete moron.

Just the facts ma'am. 


Irregardless- It's not a real word people. If are saying something without regard, it's regardless.


De-thaw- People always say "oh, I am going to dethaw some meat for dinner." De-thawing is the opposite of thawing. You know what happens when you dethaw meat? YOU FREEZE IT.

Nip It In The Butt- Not sure why people want to be dealing with butts. It's nip it in the bud. Like before it blooms.


With- People in my home state always end their sentence of invitation with "With". As in  "I'm going to the store, do you want to come with?" WITH WHAT? Stick with "too" or finish your damn sentence.

Tits/Titties- Put on your big boy pants and use real words, otherwise you are not to be addressing them, thankyouverymuch. (See also: Vajayjay)

Hubs or Hubster- drives me up the wall. We all know you're married. You shouldn't need to remind us seven thousand times his relation to you. Call him by his damn name, or just "my husband". (See also: Wifey. Equally ridiculous because that one is actually MORE letters than wife!)

OMG- Unless you are texting Justin Bieber, there's absolutely no excuse for saying these three letters out loud. (Same goes for IDK)

Pork- When used as a verb, makes me want to barf. If you're not mature enough to use the real word, you're not mature enough to be doing any "porking".

Broad- this should never ever be used, especially when referring to me. I'll give you a broad...a broad side of a two by four to your face.

Brangelina- Never again do I want to hear any couples names mashed together in some horrible bastardized fashion. This goes for Bennifer, Speidi, and TomKat too. Anyone using these should be arrested and beaten.


I Could Care Less- Drives me crazy. Think for a moment. You are telling people that you could, in fact, care less. What you really mean is you COULD NOT care less. As in you already care as little as possible.


Winning: Used solo as in Charlie Sheen-speak. I don't know about you, but I typically don't get my new fun vernacular form a coked out schizoid who thinks he's a warlock. That man needs to take a long walk off a short pier. Stop. Saying. It. Immediately.

Heighth- This is not a word. Stop making real words longer just to make them wrong.

Funner- You know what would be even funner? Kicking you in the shin.

Bro/Bra- Unless they came from the same uterus as you, or were adopted into your grammatically challenged clan, you have no business calling anyone bro. And bra is only acceptable if you commute to work via surfboard.

What are your "hot-button" words? Are there more made up ones that I missed? More ridiculous misuses or changed pronunciations that drive you batty? Are there specific grammar or punctuation plunders that grind your gears?

 I know there's many more Grammar Nazis out there like me. Share your rants in the comments below!

10 comments:

  1. You nailed the big ones for me. My kid will also walk around saying "burnage!" as in...you've been burned, or I told you so, depending on the situation. I've told them that they are forbidden to use that word.

    The other thing that I hate is when people use "text speak" in regular typing, like status updates or emails. i h8 2 reed msgs lyk dis.

    And what is it with kids adding letters to the end of words? Youuuu knowwww likeeee thisssssss?

    I could go on and on.....

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG Amyyyyy roflmao Ur msg iz so rite. I h8 txtpk 2.
    It makes me want to beat people with bricks.
    I have never heard burnage before. That would get SO annoying.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The worst spoken grammar I've ever heard came out of Preston High School (Preston ID, where Napoleon Dynamite was filmed.. and YES it IS that bad! you could not pay me enough to live there!)

    Anyway, that said, here are some examples I've heard waaay too often out of PHS grads-

    "Ya know what we shoulda did?..."

    "I used to could do that."

    "No thanks, I don't want none." (or the variation of "ain't got none.."

    "Where you at?" (heard on tv, as well as real life- usually into a cell phone)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow that is pretty bad. I forgot about some of those. I hate SHOULDA DID and DONT WANT NONE.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I had one of those snooty, I'm better than you type bosses who insisted on using the phrase "serragated knife". She kept repeating it over and over throughout the conversation. I bet she was feeling pretty good about herself for using such a big word!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Serragated knife? That sounds fancy! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ha! You're absolutely right! My big peeve is poor spelling or using the wrong word. For example, when people write "Did you loose something?" No, dumb butt, did you LOSE something?". And, like, how about, like, the complete overuse, like, of the word "like"?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh! Or how about "Can you borrow me a pencil?" Nope, but I can LEND you one.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh! Or how about "Can you borrow me a pencil?" Nope, but I can LEND you one.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The worst spoken grammar I've ever heard came out of Preston High School (Preston ID, where Napoleon Dynamite was filmed.. and YES it IS that bad! you could not pay me enough to live there!)

    Anyway, that said, here are some examples I've heard waaay too often out of PHS grads-

    "Ya know what we shoulda did?..."

    "I used to could do that."

    "No thanks, I don't want none." (or the variation of "ain't got none.."

    "Where you at?" (heard on tv, as well as real life- usually into a cell phone)

    ReplyDelete