Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Excuse Me Sir, But I Can See You're Nuts.

Oh the puns.

Seriously though, have you ever met someone who is five kinds of crazy? Usually you first tell yourself that they are just quirky or unique.

"He's just got the CUTEST little habit..."

Then you realize that the person in question makes you want to punch yourself in the groin and poke out your own eyeballs with frustration.

This particular post, we are going to focus on "frustration". As most of you know, (and it shouldn't be a surprise. Yuk yuk yuk) I am currently single and (sorta) looking. Now, this frustration in question is not of my own, but my date from Sunday night.

First date goes FANTASTICALLY well. Sure he's a little quirky, maybe even borderline weird, but super nice, and hey...I like quirky right? So the date ends and he's asked me out a second time...and before the second date has even occurred...a third.

SUPER! Silly me thinks this is great! No problems here...Till the second date which occurred on Sunday. Apparently the "three date rule" has been hastened to TWO dates. This fella was expecting...no...INSISTING that we hit the sheets halfway through date #2. Sorry pal, not happening.

The words that follow this, were of course after he left because "he was tired" and later blamed several things for his odd behavior. #1: My dog ("he's too big to live in my condo so we couldn't live together") #2: My dog again ("He's scary and he humped my leg") and my personal favorite #3: "Well, you're making sex too important. It's frustrating because I want it."

Perhaps I am missing a link in the male logic, but it would seem that HE in fact, is the one making sex too important.

After a lengthy and mature (it's ME of course, would you expect anything less?) conversation online about the no-sex predicament, he stated matter-of-factly that he would "rather be just friends" until I was willing to hop in the sack with him.

I try generally to avoid text-speak but only three letters can possibly sum up this guy:


So...to all the men out there, let's keep the blinding douchebaggery to a minimum shall we?

And ladies...if you meet one of these inexcusable dipshits, please feel free to punch them right in the junk. At least it will incapacitate them long enough to keep from trying to hump your leg.

"Go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here..."

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